The Walk of Shame

I consider myself a sex-positive person. I see no reason why people’s bodies and how they use them in a consensual, sexual way should be policed either by social mores or by law. Salt n’ Pepa said it best, “it’s none of your business!” 

Why, then, do I find myself ashamed by my own sexuality? 

Anecdote time:

I spent the night at a (insert word for sex-partner here)’s apartment. In the morning he offered me breakfast and I accepted. He opened the door to his room and lo and behold, Roommate A was in the kitchen doing whatever it was she was doing in the kitchen I have no idea because I immediately ducked out of the doorway, back into the room, and out of view. 

If I were Roommate A, I probably would have said “Hey, you’re finally awake. I was thinking of making French toast, do you guys want some?” In fact, actual Roommate A was probably thinking something similar. Or, more likely, Roommate A didn’t give a damn. 

Why was I so quick to jump to the conclusion that she was judging me? Is it because there’s such a backlash against sex-positivity? Is it because so many people think what other people do with their bodies is their business? Is it because it has been drilled into my head that sex outside of the confines of marriage - or even a committed monogamous relationship between only two partners of opposite sexes and gender expressions - is Wrong? 

Our culture is steeped is shame. We’re ashamed of the way our body parts look, we’re ashamed of how our bodies function, we’re ashamed of how our bodies smell, and we’re ashamed of how our bodies move. 

But, healthy sexual relationships between two respectful monogamous opposite sex partners is great. Healthy sexual relationships between loving same sex partners in an open relationship is great. Healthy sexual relationships between you and your booty call are great. And on and on!Healthy sexual relationships are great all around! 

I know this. I know this and yet panic sets in when someone else inadvertently finds out (or I just assume they know) about my sex life. 

I’ve spent too many years hiding my completely natural sexual wants. I’ve spent too many years lying about being sexually active. I’ve spent the greater part of my sexual life being too afraid and uncomfortable to fully express myself. How the hell did I ever enjoy myself? How can you enjoy sex when you’re afraid someone (parental unit, roommate, god) is going to find out and punish you? 

Sex can be dirty. But it’s not Dirty. Starting today, I refuse to see my thoughts, my body, and the sex I have as Dirty, Shameful, Wrong, or Sinful. It will be hard to erase these kinds of thoughts that I’ve had since I was taught what sex was but I’m willing to work hard. It’ll be worth it to have a more healthy understanding of myself and my sexuality; I think I’ll have better self-esteem for it, and I think I’ll be a better (insert word for sex-partner here) because of it.

<3L

If I Could Be More Than One Person

I am having such a hard time deciding what to focus on. I have so many interests, I'm never bored because of it and that's great but god DAMN it is hard to decide what to put my effort & energy into.

So if I could be 17 different people, I would be these things:

Science Fiction Writer
Feminist Journalist and Writer
Photojournalist
Artsy Photographer
Farmer
Novelist
Comic Book Artist
Librarian
Bookstore Owner
Knitter
Jewelry Maker
Collage Artist
Dominatrix
Orinthologist
Baker
Herbalist
Therapist
Dungeon Master

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-Jen

What Have You Held On To?

We are looking for submissions for a community exhibit displaying artifacts from past relationships, objects/letters/photographs/etc. that have a place in your personal history.

We hope to assemble what will be an interesting peek into human nature, break-ups, and romance.

Items will not be tampered with or damaged. All items will be returned.

The deadline for submissions is March 31st 2011.

For more information or if you are interested in submitting email paperdollaac@gmail.com or message one of the event administrators.

Pass this along to anyone you think might be interested!

**Hateful, retaliatory, or pornographic items will not be accepted**

Let's Make a Movie!

By Leah

 Apparently I'm the slacker of the group, so here I am attempting to make up for it.

Recently I've been brainstorming a few different movie ideas and I have to say, I think I'm getting somewhere. The more I think about it, the more inspired I become. I've never made a movie before, so I'm less than an amateur, but it's something that really interests me and something I aspire to do before I'm like, old and stuff. I came up with something I think I could actually work with (this came to me while I was taking one of my hour long showers in the dark-I don't care what you guys [Jen and Lisa] think...they are very enjoyable!).

The main idea behind my idea (weirdly worded! HA) is something I, and I'm sure many women feminists struggle with: relationships and love. Now let me elaborate, because everyone struggles with relationships and love, but what I'm talking about in particular is how feminists deal with love and conventional standards for relationships. Just think about it, women are taught from a young age on how to act in order to get a man, but most feminists go againsts those ideas (some stick with them, but because they want to, not because they have to-you go girls!). However, and I've seen it many times, often women feminists forget their personal beliefs because a cute and witty boy came into their lives. It sucks, it's annoying and it's happened to me and many of my friends, which is why I think it would be interesting, fun and worth the time, sweat, blood, tears and learning experience to create a film from this idea.

I haven't quite pieced it together yet, but I'm thinking of showing it from a woman feminist's point of view (obviously, wouldn't really make sense otherwise) from the beginning of her relationship to the end of it. I was thinking of focusing a lot on the beginning, when they're still dating and going out and getting to know one another, then focusing a bit on their engagement and wedding and how my main character would deal with tradiational weddings (because that's what is obviously going to be expected of her), then focusing on how they raise their children and how she is trying to teach them her values while he is trying to teach them more "traditional" values, based on how he was raised, and lastly I want to focus on them when their kids are moved out and when they're old and having to deal with one another as they head towards those "golden years".

Also, the man of the movie isn't going to be mean, awful, evil or even a douchebag. He's actually going to be a really decent guy, he's just going to be raised in a very traditional household. He's going to be very accepting and interested, but he, too, will struggle with the relationship and the different dynamics within it.

The lady of the film, the starlet, the main gal; she's going to be the main focus. She's going to be young, confused, in love, in hate, irritated, happy, depressed, lost, wise, naive, old...she's going to be growing up. While her boyfriend/husband will also be growing up (not to mention their kids!) she's going the one whom the viewer will take most notice.

I have a few little funny scene ideas too. Here's one that I think I just have to use:

Girl and Guy (temporary names for now...I'm thinking maybe Naomi for our leading lady?) have been seeing each other for a few weeks now, nothing exclusive or serious though. He really likes her and finds her to be completely fascination and brilliant. She is confused by him, is really attracted to him and thinks he's smarter than any other guy she has ever dated. He invites her out to a beach party where he and a couple of his friends are going to be drinking and just having a good time.

So she accepts the invitation and is now getting ready to go the morning of the party. She had bought a bikini for it (another funny scene I'm thinking, because she's more of a shorts and t-shirt as swimwear kind of girl) and is now in the bathroom looking in the mirror, holding a razor. She doesn't shave and she doesn't want to, however she is afraid that he'll be turned off or freaked out by her hairy legs and hairy armpits. You can see the terror and confusion on her face as she struggles with this decision. She calls him up, and I imagine the conversation going something like this:

Guy: "Hello?"
Girl: "Hi...it's me."
Guy: "Hey what's up? I was actually just thinking about you! You excited for tonight?"
Girl: "I, um, can't go."
Guy: "What? No way! Why not? Is everything okay?"
Girl: "Yeah, well, no, well, um...I got my period!"
Hang up.

So like... that's just a thought. I'm a little enthusiastic and excited about it, now I just have to buck up and sit down and write it. I never have any motivation to finish anything, so I'm a little worried, but I really want to finish this. I really want to go somewhere with this. So hopefully it'll work out in the end.

Now that I've rambled on about my movie ideas forever, I'm out! :)

Where Are You Going? Where Have You Been?

My surprisingly boring English lit class this morning suddenly became incredibly interesting when discussing a story by Joyce Carol Oates that was steeped in symbolism about sex. English professors really, really like to talk about sex, I've noticed. But! When discussing how the man "Arnold" is using threats and intimidating the 15 year old female protagonist in order to coerce her into having "sex" with him, a woman in my class decided to throw in her two cents.

She said that Connie - the girl - should have known better because that's what you get.

That's what you get...when? When you hang out with your friends at the mall on the weekends? When you go on dates with boys? That's what you get when a man you see while you're out with your friends decides to stalk you and finds out you're home alone then shows up and attempts to seduce you but even if you consented it's still rape because you're a fifteen year old girl and fifteen year old girls, by law, can't give consent?

Rape isn't something that happens to Bad Girls as a punishment for being "bad." None of the things Connie did were "bad," unless you consider doing normal, everyday things such as going out and having fun "living on the edge." Even if Connie was doing something bad, like heroin - which most everyone would agree is a bad thing to do but does not necessarily make her a bad person (subtle difference!) - she doesn't deserve to be raped.

It's like what people said to me when I tried to open up about my first sexual experience. It was a boy I knew, slightly older than me, who I had been inviting over when my parents weren't home. We talked about Going All The Way and, in conversation, I agreed. He got to my house and I realized I wasn't ready or I didn't really want to or any other reason that I used to say: No I've Changed My Mind.

His response was: "But, I didn't come over for nothing."

It was getting late, my dad would be home soon, I didn't really have a spine, he was bigger than me, older than me, stronger than me, and incredibly manipulative. While I'm still on the fence about what happened as far as I see it, from a definitional standpoint, he assaulted me.

But, "that's what you get," right? That's what you get for wearing provocative clothes, dabbling in drugs and drinking and parties. That's what you get for bringing over a boy when you're parents aren't home. That's what you get for promising sexual activity and then taking consent back, right?

WRONG.

Consent is consent. You either have it or you don't. It doesn't matter what you wear, where you are, who you're with, what you've been drinking, how old you are, how virginal you are, or what state of undress you are in. It doesn't even matter if you've consented to that person before, or that activity before! If someone is not enthusiastically participating in the sexual activity of their own free will, you don't have consent.

To hear someone say that Connie - and by extension, any girl - got what she deserved or got what was coming to her and brought on her own rape sickens me. Unwanted sexual advances, touch, or activity is harassment, assault, and rape. To hear it explained away as "she wanted it," or "what did she expect was going to happen," or "well that's what you get," disturbs me. Take reports of sexual assault seriously! Hold people accountable for their crimes!

This rambling brings me to the point about the bill proposing that there be no federal funding for abortions even in cases of rape and incest. It's basically an argument about what really counts as rape. Kristen Schaal shows us just how ridiculous, degrading, and cruel this bill is:



I realize this post is kind of all over the place and not very well-written. I'll fix it later, I just needed to say this. Too many people think that they are responsible for having been raped by someone else. Too many people think that women and men who are raped bring it upon themselves.

To all survivors of sexual harassment, assault, and rape: Never listen to the people that try to let a rapist off the hook by blaming you for their crimes and moral depravity. It is not your fault. It was never your fault.

Movie review: 'Teeth'

By now, most of us have probably heard of the film 'Teeth,' starring Jess Weixler. Upon mention, there will usually be a series of groans and whines from those with male genitals, and sometimes giggles or looks of disgust from those with female genitals. A common response will be a male placing his hands lovingly and protectively over his zipper and exclaiming, "Owww," for just the thought of a vagina with teeth can be enough to make his wee a bit sore.

"A vagina with teeth!?" you may say, if you've never seen the film. This thought will either be reacted to with a smile and a chuckle, a sneer, a look of disgust, or placing your hands lovingly and protectively over your zipper and exclaiming, "Owww."

Before you write the movie off as nothing but a gore-fest made solely for shock value, take a moment and hear me out. There's a lot of good to be said of "Teeth," despite it's reputation.

(Warning: Spoilers ahead!)

The movie begins by introducing you to a pretty high school girl named Dawn O'Keefe, who advocates abstinence in the name of God. She's loved by her friends, her family, and is all one could ever ask for if they wanted a 'good girl.' However, soon Dawn's hormones take over and she finds herself infatuated with her friend Tobey. After attempting to avoid each other in order to maintain their innocence, they soon end up unable to keep apart. This leads them to a river, swimming about and exchanging a few kisses. Dawn's discomfort becomes more and more obvious with each kiss.
Soon, they find themselves within a cave, where other teens have clearly previously fooled around. Kisses get more and more heated, Dawn grows more and more uncomfortable. At first, Tobey's pressure is gentle, but it soon fires into explosive rage as he screams, "I haven't even jacked off since Easter!" (the most upsetting part of the film for me) and proceeds to rape her.

(Woah, hold up. Let's take a moment here. I know there are a few of you here who are thinking to yourselves, "Rape in film is wrong. I refuse to watch this." I understand and I certainly can't blame you. But try to keep in mind that this movie does not use rape as a gimmick or a shock- it really has a purpose and a meaning. The point is not that she is raped and then her vaginal teeth proceed to chomp off Tobey's wiener, the point is that she is raped and that, for once, the man get's what he deserves for his injustice toward an innocent person.
Yet, if rape scenes are still a turn-off to you, by all means, order something else on Netflix.
That said, shall we continue?)

After that, Dawn spirals into depression. She begins to realize her body is 'abnormal.' And after a series of awful things that happen to her (each ending in sweet, vagina-dentata-induced revenge) she starts to realize this thing is not a curse, but a gift. No more injustice for Dawn O'Keefe, because Dawn' O'Keefe's got vaginal teeth!

In the end, "Teeth" is not the gore-fest I expected (although, there was plenty enough for me to close my eyes.) It isn't meant to make the viewer squirm with blood and guts- it makes you squirm because of the awful things that happen to Dawn. But you find yourself cheering for her and her 'vagina dentata' as they battle their way to independence, liberation, and life beyond oppression.

Most of all, this is not a movie about a monster vag.
The real villains are the men who hurt Dawn.
The vagina dentata are the heroes.

I recommend it to all, especially those who have just endured any nasty break-ups.
Watch it with a girl-friend or a friend with girl parts. You'll have a good time.
Watch it with a boy-friend or a friend with boy parts and tell them to get over their anatomical infatuation and pay attention to what the movie is really about.
Watch it with your feminist friends and debate its quality.
Watch it with your film guru friends and debate its quality again.
Just give it a chance!

Also, a question for the viewer:
How does it make you feel when discussing this movie with male friends or friends with male parts?
What about girl friends or friends with girl parts?
For those who have seen the film, do you agree with my little write-up here?

In any case, that's the end.
This being my first post on Paper Dolls, let me say, I'm pleased to be here among Jen, Leah and Lisa. They're beautiful and I adore them all.

Let me leave you with this hilarious bit from Lashings of Ginger Beer.
It gets real good at 1:17.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_4yCm6DZp8

-Cameron.

Addicted to Podcasts

by Jen!
As someone who utilizes public transit in a city where public transit is really inefficient, podcasts save me from bus boredom (when the entertainment of people-watching does not suffice). Here are my favorites:

the F-Files
(down for now, but hopefully back soon?)
Interviews with feminists such as Catherine Mackinnon and Sheila Jeffries.
ffiles.net

the F-Word
Canadian radio show discussing feminist issues.
feminisms.org

Destination DIY
DIY! DIY! DIY! DIY!
destinationdiy.org

Bitch Radio
Feminist podcasts by Bitch!
bitchmagazine.org/blogs/audio

Madness Radio
Discusses alternative perspectives on mental health. Affiliated with the Icarus Project (theicarusproject.net)
madnessradio.net

Healing the Earth
Discusses radical environmentalist issues. Has good interviews with Derrick Jensen, but my favorites are the interview with Lierre Keith (http://resistanceisfertile.ca/lierrekeith.html) and the interview with Lierre Keith and Aric McBay (http://resistanceisfertile.ca/lierreandaric.html)
resistanceisfertile.ca

Rage Against Global Ecocide
Interviews with Gail Dines, Stephanie McMillan, & Derrick Jensen.
rageedm.com/wordpress