By Leah
So it turns out people like Christopher Hitchens don't have it right (hard to believe, I'm sure). Women aren't funny? So I've been imagining all those times that my friends laughed at my jokes? I've been imagining all those times I've had my friends rolling on the ground, holding their stomachs to keep their sides from splitting open from laughter? Oh...right, silly me and my silly female mind...must be hormones.
Oh wait...I HAVEN'T been imagining that because, well, I'M HILARIOUS; and so are many other women. That's sort of what this blog is about, funny women. I find that funny women are funnier than funny men, in my opinion anyway; and no, it's not because they tell period jokes and that is the only thing I can relate to, it's because women are fucking funny. Period (HA GET IT?!).
My favorite witty genius, Sarah Haskins (in Target Women):
The dancing Ellen Degeneres:
An obvious, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler (here is a link, because I am not able to embed this video onto my blog):
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler SNL Skit
A classic, Joan Rivers:
The unintentionally hilarious Rachel Maddow:
The funniest "fag hag" around, Margaret Cho:
12.22.2010
My secret body image crisis
I rarely feel insecure about my physical appearance. I haven't been overwhelmingly concerned about being "fat" since I was an insecure junior-high schooler. I shower daily, wear make-up and straighten my hair sometimes, but I don't engage in any other culturally-endorsed rituals of feminine grooming. I don't pluck my eyebrows; I rarely shave my legs and lately, my pits have been growing wild and free as well. I resist buying new clothing even when I need it, when all of my clothes are full of holes and smell funky or have stains. (I love those stains, like the giant pinkish-brown wine stain on my floral-patterned tank top - gives it more character. I even wore it to a successful job interview recently.) I've always sort of internally identified myself as a "punk chick" even though I can't stand most punks or the subculture (and a lot of the music - I hate hardcore, but I like the old-school stuff and, obviously, riot grrrl or feminist or all-lady/female-fronted bands (I guess I'm more interested in listening to women yell and be angry than men, it feels like permission)) so wearing clothes that are disintegrating and neglecting certain aspects of my physical upkeep usually feels acceptable and generally comfortable to me.
But that isn't always the case. Every once in a while, intense insecurities pop up. When this happens, the obvious urge is to spend money - new clothing, new haircuts, chemicals and make-up. I've even considered tanning, which is absurd to me. (Skin cancer for the sake of "beauty"? No thanks, I already have that coming from working on a farm and from inheriting the irresistible urge to just lay in the sun for hours from my father.) I guess I just don't understand how some days I can feel totally hot in a pair of ripped up leggings and a hoodie and boots and other days feel like a disgusting piece of garbage.
I have gained about 15-20 pounds over the past year as well, and because I am constantly working and volunteering, I either have no time or no energy to exercise. I would like to exercise because I want to be strong - I'm sick of the jokes about me being a tiny weak woman, it's just not funny, and when the men around me constantly point it out it's a little scary. I would like to exercise because I think it would help a lot with the chronic fatigue problem I've been dealing with for years. I would like to exercise because I want to be healthy and feel good. But lately I want to exercise because I want to be skinny again. I want to be toned, to have a flat belly instead of a flabby one, to fit my ass into a pair of "skinny jeans" again.
I feel so conflicted because I know that all of my insecurities have been fabricated by a consumerist society in order to get me to purchase products I don't need, that are unhealthy to use, that are over-priced, that rarely do what they promise, that obscure what is natural and unique about me. I know that I would rather spend my time after finishing a 16-hour work day, I don't know, sleeping, than showering and straightening my hair. I know that it is fucked-up to crave male attention and to let that influence the way I present myself. I know that in a patriarchial society, female beauty standards are about obedience and keeping women in their place. I know that I should feel beautiful and secure the way I am. I know that insecurities destroy people, particularly women. I know, I know, I know. But understanding these truths on an intellectual level honestly does not help me. It is a struggle to remember these things when I don't feel comfortable in my own body. It is a struggle to resist the urge to buy out the entire beauty aisle of the grocery store when I am feeling down on myself. It is a struggle to come to terms with the fact that I only feel this way because of pervasive advertising and media strategies to make a profit out of my insecurities and occasional self-loathing and my desire to attract men.
I can't wait for the days when I feel beautiful no matter what to come back again. I eagerly await the return of my strength and my positive body image. But for now, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.
-jen
But that isn't always the case. Every once in a while, intense insecurities pop up. When this happens, the obvious urge is to spend money - new clothing, new haircuts, chemicals and make-up. I've even considered tanning, which is absurd to me. (Skin cancer for the sake of "beauty"? No thanks, I already have that coming from working on a farm and from inheriting the irresistible urge to just lay in the sun for hours from my father.) I guess I just don't understand how some days I can feel totally hot in a pair of ripped up leggings and a hoodie and boots and other days feel like a disgusting piece of garbage.
I have gained about 15-20 pounds over the past year as well, and because I am constantly working and volunteering, I either have no time or no energy to exercise. I would like to exercise because I want to be strong - I'm sick of the jokes about me being a tiny weak woman, it's just not funny, and when the men around me constantly point it out it's a little scary. I would like to exercise because I think it would help a lot with the chronic fatigue problem I've been dealing with for years. I would like to exercise because I want to be healthy and feel good. But lately I want to exercise because I want to be skinny again. I want to be toned, to have a flat belly instead of a flabby one, to fit my ass into a pair of "skinny jeans" again.
I feel so conflicted because I know that all of my insecurities have been fabricated by a consumerist society in order to get me to purchase products I don't need, that are unhealthy to use, that are over-priced, that rarely do what they promise, that obscure what is natural and unique about me. I know that I would rather spend my time after finishing a 16-hour work day, I don't know, sleeping, than showering and straightening my hair. I know that it is fucked-up to crave male attention and to let that influence the way I present myself. I know that in a patriarchial society, female beauty standards are about obedience and keeping women in their place. I know that I should feel beautiful and secure the way I am. I know that insecurities destroy people, particularly women. I know, I know, I know. But understanding these truths on an intellectual level honestly does not help me. It is a struggle to remember these things when I don't feel comfortable in my own body. It is a struggle to resist the urge to buy out the entire beauty aisle of the grocery store when I am feeling down on myself. It is a struggle to come to terms with the fact that I only feel this way because of pervasive advertising and media strategies to make a profit out of my insecurities and occasional self-loathing and my desire to attract men.
I can't wait for the days when I feel beautiful no matter what to come back again. I eagerly await the return of my strength and my positive body image. But for now, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.
-jen
12.16.2010
Taking Off the Sad Coat
I accepted Leah's last post as a challenge. I started keeping a diary. I think it is as good a time as any especially with all these "feelings" and "emotions" that I keep having resulting from a recent break-up. Is writing a blog post about a break-up feminist? I have no idea. Probably not, but I'm going to do it anyway. Move over topic I had about factory farming.
It's not un-feminist to have feelings. It is not un-feminist to be confused, to grieve, or to cry. In fact, crying is pretty feminist; we approve of women and men crying!
After the first few days I spent lying on top of my bed wearing all my clothes and my winter coat - which I now call The Sad Coat and will probably have to burn after winter is over - I realized there are better ways to deal. Sleeping it off is great, to a certain extent. This tends not to help if you have very active dreams like me. All my dreams are about my ex. (It's weird to say "ex-boyfriend." I spent three years saying just Boyfriend. I still call him that if he comes up. Weird, I know.)
I wanted to be positive! I wanted to rise above! I wanted to get better! It's not easy. There are good days and bad days. But there are better ways to try to work through your pain and confusion that don't involve listening to that song that you know will make you cry and wearing your version of the Sad Coat.
Feminist ways to take care of yourself after your long-term relationship dies (or any important relationship for that matter):
- Be civil! Don't key their car. Don't hack their Facebook. Don't say things out of anger just to hurt them because they hurt you. Be the better person. My wonderful pseudo-adoptive mother gave me the best advice: "The best revenge is living a good life [without them]."
- Dare I say, be friends? It's difficult and definitely not what I'm doing right now but that's probably why y'all started the relationship in the first place; because you got along and were friends and like the same things. Sometimes it is necessary to have some time off so neither of you are still pining/confused about what the new relationship entails. Sometimes, people don't want to be friends anymore. Respect that.
- Gather all your friends. It's hard to be alone sometimes and friends are great for advice, talking to, listening to, and being silly with. Laughter heals. You don't have to talk about your relationship all the time, just being with and having fun with people you love will make you feel better and loved.
- Do something! Look at all this free time you have now. I decided to sign up for a pottery class, take guitar lessons, am learning how to snowboard, and basically doing things I've always wanted to do (or spontaneously decided I must know how to do). Rediscover yourself. Sometimes she gets lost when you're thinking about another person all the time. Do things that you love to do because you love to do them. Learn how to go to the movies by yourself. Learn how to be by yourself again. Enjoy it. It's not a bad thing.
- Volunteer! I haven't done this one yet. It's only been three weeks, I'll get there. There are always people who need your sympathy more than you. Donate money, clothes, food, or time to a cause you support. Giving makes you feel good.
- Let yourself be sad sometimes. Cry when you need to cry. Be angry when you feel angry. Don't force yourself to get over it when you're not ready yet.
Any other ways to get over a hardcore breakup in a healthy, feminist way?
<3 Lisa
It's not un-feminist to have feelings. It is not un-feminist to be confused, to grieve, or to cry. In fact, crying is pretty feminist; we approve of women and men crying!
After the first few days I spent lying on top of my bed wearing all my clothes and my winter coat - which I now call The Sad Coat and will probably have to burn after winter is over - I realized there are better ways to deal. Sleeping it off is great, to a certain extent. This tends not to help if you have very active dreams like me. All my dreams are about my ex. (It's weird to say "ex-boyfriend." I spent three years saying just Boyfriend. I still call him that if he comes up. Weird, I know.)
I wanted to be positive! I wanted to rise above! I wanted to get better! It's not easy. There are good days and bad days. But there are better ways to try to work through your pain and confusion that don't involve listening to that song that you know will make you cry and wearing your version of the Sad Coat.
Feminist ways to take care of yourself after your long-term relationship dies (or any important relationship for that matter):
- Be civil! Don't key their car. Don't hack their Facebook. Don't say things out of anger just to hurt them because they hurt you. Be the better person. My wonderful pseudo-adoptive mother gave me the best advice: "The best revenge is living a good life [without them]."
- Dare I say, be friends? It's difficult and definitely not what I'm doing right now but that's probably why y'all started the relationship in the first place; because you got along and were friends and like the same things. Sometimes it is necessary to have some time off so neither of you are still pining/confused about what the new relationship entails. Sometimes, people don't want to be friends anymore. Respect that.
- Gather all your friends. It's hard to be alone sometimes and friends are great for advice, talking to, listening to, and being silly with. Laughter heals. You don't have to talk about your relationship all the time, just being with and having fun with people you love will make you feel better and loved.
- Do something! Look at all this free time you have now. I decided to sign up for a pottery class, take guitar lessons, am learning how to snowboard, and basically doing things I've always wanted to do (or spontaneously decided I must know how to do). Rediscover yourself. Sometimes she gets lost when you're thinking about another person all the time. Do things that you love to do because you love to do them. Learn how to go to the movies by yourself. Learn how to be by yourself again. Enjoy it. It's not a bad thing.
- Volunteer! I haven't done this one yet. It's only been three weeks, I'll get there. There are always people who need your sympathy more than you. Donate money, clothes, food, or time to a cause you support. Giving makes you feel good.
- Let yourself be sad sometimes. Cry when you need to cry. Be angry when you feel angry. Don't force yourself to get over it when you're not ready yet.
Any other ways to get over a hardcore breakup in a healthy, feminist way?
<3 Lisa
12.01.2010
I wish I kept a diary.
By Leah
Every time I see Jen write in her diary, I'm always so envious of her and her motivation. For instance, this blog. We've been talking about it for months and this is the first blog I am posting due to a lack of motivation. I even find it hard to finish books I really love because I'm not motivated to read them unless I'm in a certain mood. It's a completely annoying quality I have, but don't get that statement confused with the idea that I hate myself...for the record.
Alas, I am digressing. I wish I kept a diary. I'm sitting next to Jen right now as she's writing in it and imagining the nostalgia she'll get to feel in the future when she reads it. I've actually been thinking about starting one now, only as of this moment my life isn't that interesting and there isn't much going on. I suppose that shouldn't stop me though, it does seem fun.
The main reason I wish I kept a diary was so I could look back and remember my exact reaction to everything major that happened in my life. It's one thing to look back and go "oh hey, that was cool" or "oh yeah, that was heartbreaking", but I'm sometimes curious to know what my every thought was, so I could look back and think "wow I'm smart" or "wow...what the hell was I thinking?". I don't know, it just seems really cool.
Also, I have to admit I suck at these things. I've tried this whole blog thing before and I just ended up rambling about random things, exactly as I am now. ASTERIKnervouschuckleASTERIK.
The main reason I decided to do this was because Jen and I thought it would be fun and thought Lisa would make a good addition. Hmmm...maybe I should blog about how this blog began???
ONCE UPON A TIME!!! IN THE LAND OF KIDNEYPOND (INSIDE JOKE?!) THERE LIVED THREE 20 YEAR OLD GIRLS OF MYSTERY, SUAVENESS AND WONDER. THEY'RE NAMES WERE...JEN, LEAH AND LISA!!!!
(CAPS seemed appropriate, but I'll stop because it's starting to hurt my eyes...now I shall continue)
The wonderful Jen moved in with the mysterious Leah (or was Jen the mysterious one and Leah the wonderful? Ah whatever, either way Lisa was suave). Jen and Leah thought Lisa was awesome so asked her to join in. These three crazy fellas decided to let the world know how mysterious, suave and wonderful they were! The end.
Yeah I know, I know...I rock at storytelling.
So now you all know why we decided to do this...except not really. The honest truth is there are a lot of things we want to discuss with the world, serious issues. The biggest one on my mind right now is abuse. It seems to be surrounding my life right now. A girl was murdered in my hometown by her abusive boyfriend, my friend is being abused by her boyfriend, other people I know are suffering from it...it's becoming so unbearable that it's getting hard to take. I just want to go up to every abuser I know and scream my lungs out at them.
Going back to my original point earlier, this is why I wish I kept a diary. Currently, I am not suffering from any abuse. However I have in the past. I feel like with all this going on around me, it would be interesting to look back on what I went through and read how I felt at the time it was happening. I've been through almost every type of abuse imaginable (almost, anyways) and to recall how EXACTLY I felt is hard because I've blocked a lot of things from my mind. So it's sometimes hard to remember how exactly I handled it. Sometimes I'll look at my friends and just think "Get out while you can!" and I have to mentally slap myself and remember it isn't always that easy. It takes more support and time and planning and help. I would remember that if I kept a diary. It's a good way to cope.
Luckily I somehow managed to escape each abusive situation without going insane, despite my ability to vent to a diary or journal, because I have the greatest friends in the world. Which I just want them to all know I love them dearly, and if they are ever in such horrible situations as I was to know I'm here for them no matter what their decisions are.
I also want everyone to know who's reading this that is being abused, or has been or knows someone who is to try and understand how hard it is to escape, but how incredibly possible it is. No one should have to go through what the girl in my hometown did. It should never come to death. It's also good to remember that the person being abused never asked for it and it is never his or her fault. It is only the fault of the abuser. That's probably the best thing to remember, because it's the easiest to forget.
Every time I see Jen write in her diary, I'm always so envious of her and her motivation. For instance, this blog. We've been talking about it for months and this is the first blog I am posting due to a lack of motivation. I even find it hard to finish books I really love because I'm not motivated to read them unless I'm in a certain mood. It's a completely annoying quality I have, but don't get that statement confused with the idea that I hate myself...for the record.
Alas, I am digressing. I wish I kept a diary. I'm sitting next to Jen right now as she's writing in it and imagining the nostalgia she'll get to feel in the future when she reads it. I've actually been thinking about starting one now, only as of this moment my life isn't that interesting and there isn't much going on. I suppose that shouldn't stop me though, it does seem fun.
The main reason I wish I kept a diary was so I could look back and remember my exact reaction to everything major that happened in my life. It's one thing to look back and go "oh hey, that was cool" or "oh yeah, that was heartbreaking", but I'm sometimes curious to know what my every thought was, so I could look back and think "wow I'm smart" or "wow...what the hell was I thinking?". I don't know, it just seems really cool.
Also, I have to admit I suck at these things. I've tried this whole blog thing before and I just ended up rambling about random things, exactly as I am now. ASTERIKnervouschuckleASTERIK.
The main reason I decided to do this was because Jen and I thought it would be fun and thought Lisa would make a good addition. Hmmm...maybe I should blog about how this blog began???
ONCE UPON A TIME!!! IN THE LAND OF KIDNEYPOND (INSIDE JOKE?!) THERE LIVED THREE 20 YEAR OLD GIRLS OF MYSTERY, SUAVENESS AND WONDER. THEY'RE NAMES WERE...JEN, LEAH AND LISA!!!!
(CAPS seemed appropriate, but I'll stop because it's starting to hurt my eyes...now I shall continue)
The wonderful Jen moved in with the mysterious Leah (or was Jen the mysterious one and Leah the wonderful? Ah whatever, either way Lisa was suave). Jen and Leah thought Lisa was awesome so asked her to join in. These three crazy fellas decided to let the world know how mysterious, suave and wonderful they were! The end.
Yeah I know, I know...I rock at storytelling.
So now you all know why we decided to do this...except not really. The honest truth is there are a lot of things we want to discuss with the world, serious issues. The biggest one on my mind right now is abuse. It seems to be surrounding my life right now. A girl was murdered in my hometown by her abusive boyfriend, my friend is being abused by her boyfriend, other people I know are suffering from it...it's becoming so unbearable that it's getting hard to take. I just want to go up to every abuser I know and scream my lungs out at them.
Going back to my original point earlier, this is why I wish I kept a diary. Currently, I am not suffering from any abuse. However I have in the past. I feel like with all this going on around me, it would be interesting to look back on what I went through and read how I felt at the time it was happening. I've been through almost every type of abuse imaginable (almost, anyways) and to recall how EXACTLY I felt is hard because I've blocked a lot of things from my mind. So it's sometimes hard to remember how exactly I handled it. Sometimes I'll look at my friends and just think "Get out while you can!" and I have to mentally slap myself and remember it isn't always that easy. It takes more support and time and planning and help. I would remember that if I kept a diary. It's a good way to cope.
Luckily I somehow managed to escape each abusive situation without going insane, despite my ability to vent to a diary or journal, because I have the greatest friends in the world. Which I just want them to all know I love them dearly, and if they are ever in such horrible situations as I was to know I'm here for them no matter what their decisions are.
I also want everyone to know who's reading this that is being abused, or has been or knows someone who is to try and understand how hard it is to escape, but how incredibly possible it is. No one should have to go through what the girl in my hometown did. It should never come to death. It's also good to remember that the person being abused never asked for it and it is never his or her fault. It is only the fault of the abuser. That's probably the best thing to remember, because it's the easiest to forget.
11.20.2010
Joanie4Jackie screening in Syracuse this spring!
The Paper Doll Art and Activist Collective is organizing to screen movies from Miranda July's Joanie4Jackie video chainletter exchange this spring. Contact us for more info!
joanie4jackie.com
joanie4jackie.com
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