I wish I kept a diary.

By Leah

Every time I see Jen write in her diary, I'm always so envious of her and her motivation. For instance, this blog. We've been talking about it for months and this is the first blog I am posting due to a lack of motivation. I even find it hard to finish books I really love because I'm not motivated to read them unless I'm in a certain mood. It's a completely annoying quality I have, but don't get that statement confused with the idea that I hate myself...for the record.

Alas, I am digressing. I wish I kept a diary. I'm sitting next to Jen right now as she's writing in it and imagining the nostalgia she'll get to feel in the future when she reads it. I've actually been thinking about starting one now, only as of this moment my life isn't that interesting and there isn't much going on. I suppose that shouldn't stop me though, it does seem fun.

The main reason I wish I kept a diary was so I could look back and remember my exact reaction to everything major that happened in my life. It's one thing to look back and go "oh hey, that was cool" or "oh yeah, that was heartbreaking", but I'm sometimes curious to know what my every thought was, so I could look back and think "wow I'm smart" or "wow...what the hell was I thinking?". I don't know, it just seems really cool.

Also, I have to admit I suck at these things. I've tried this whole blog thing before and I just ended up rambling about random things, exactly as I am now. ASTERIKnervouschuckleASTERIK.

The main reason I decided to do this was because Jen and I thought it would be fun and thought Lisa would make a good addition. Hmmm...maybe I should blog about how this blog began???

ONCE UPON A TIME!!! IN THE LAND OF KIDNEYPOND (INSIDE JOKE?!) THERE LIVED THREE 20 YEAR OLD GIRLS OF MYSTERY, SUAVENESS AND WONDER. THEY'RE NAMES WERE...JEN, LEAH AND LISA!!!!

(CAPS seemed appropriate, but I'll stop because it's starting to hurt my eyes...now I shall continue)

The wonderful Jen moved in with the mysterious Leah (or was Jen the mysterious one and Leah the wonderful? Ah whatever, either way Lisa was suave). Jen and Leah thought Lisa was awesome so asked her to join in. These three crazy fellas decided to let the world know how mysterious, suave and wonderful they were! The end.

Yeah I know, I know...I rock at storytelling.

So now you all know why we decided to do this...except not really. The honest truth is there are a lot of things we want to discuss with the world, serious issues. The biggest one on my mind right now is abuse. It seems to be surrounding my life right now. A girl was murdered in my hometown by her abusive boyfriend, my friend is being abused by her boyfriend, other people I know are suffering from it...it's becoming so unbearable that it's getting hard to take. I just want to go up to every abuser I know and scream my lungs out at them.

Going back to my original point earlier, this is why I wish I kept a diary. Currently, I am not suffering from any abuse. However I have in the past. I feel like with all this going on around me, it would be interesting to look back on what I went through and read how I felt at the time it was happening. I've been through almost every type of abuse imaginable (almost, anyways) and to recall how EXACTLY I felt is hard because I've blocked a lot of things from my mind. So it's sometimes hard to remember how exactly I handled it. Sometimes I'll look at my friends and just think "Get out while you can!" and I have to mentally slap myself and remember it isn't always that easy. It takes more support and time and planning and help. I would remember that if I kept a diary. It's a good way to cope.

Luckily I somehow managed to escape each abusive situation without going insane, despite my ability to vent to a diary or journal, because I have the greatest friends in the world. Which I just want them to all know I love them dearly, and if they are ever in such horrible situations as I was to know I'm here for them no matter what their decisions are.

I also want everyone to know who's reading this that is being abused, or has been or knows someone who is to try and understand how hard it is to escape, but how incredibly possible it is. No one should have to go through what the girl in my hometown did. It should never come to death. It's also good to remember that the person being abused never asked for it and it is never his or her fault. It is only the fault of the abuser. That's probably the best thing to remember, because it's the easiest to forget.