I accepted Leah's last post as a challenge. I started keeping a diary. I think it is as good a time as any especially with all these "feelings" and "emotions" that I keep having resulting from a recent break-up. Is writing a blog post about a break-up feminist? I have no idea. Probably not, but I'm going to do it anyway. Move over topic I had about factory farming.
It's not un-feminist to have feelings. It is not un-feminist to be confused, to grieve, or to cry. In fact, crying is pretty feminist; we approve of women and men crying!
After the first few days I spent lying on top of my bed wearing all my clothes and my winter coat - which I now call The Sad Coat and will probably have to burn after winter is over - I realized there are better ways to deal. Sleeping it off is great, to a certain extent. This tends not to help if you have very active dreams like me. All my dreams are about my ex. (It's weird to say "ex-boyfriend." I spent three years saying just Boyfriend. I still call him that if he comes up. Weird, I know.)
I wanted to be positive! I wanted to rise above! I wanted to get better! It's not easy. There are good days and bad days. But there are better ways to try to work through your pain and confusion that don't involve listening to that song that you know will make you cry and wearing your version of the Sad Coat.
Feminist ways to take care of yourself after your long-term relationship dies (or any important relationship for that matter):
- Be civil! Don't key their car. Don't hack their Facebook. Don't say things out of anger just to hurt them because they hurt you. Be the better person. My wonderful pseudo-adoptive mother gave me the best advice: "The best revenge is living a good life [without them]."
- Dare I say, be friends? It's difficult and definitely not what I'm doing right now but that's probably why y'all started the relationship in the first place; because you got along and were friends and like the same things. Sometimes it is necessary to have some time off so neither of you are still pining/confused about what the new relationship entails. Sometimes, people don't want to be friends anymore. Respect that.
- Gather all your friends. It's hard to be alone sometimes and friends are great for advice, talking to, listening to, and being silly with. Laughter heals. You don't have to talk about your relationship all the time, just being with and having fun with people you love will make you feel better and loved.
- Do something! Look at all this free time you have now. I decided to sign up for a pottery class, take guitar lessons, am learning how to snowboard, and basically doing things I've always wanted to do (or spontaneously decided I must know how to do). Rediscover yourself. Sometimes she gets lost when you're thinking about another person all the time. Do things that you love to do because you love to do them. Learn how to go to the movies by yourself. Learn how to be by yourself again. Enjoy it. It's not a bad thing.
- Volunteer! I haven't done this one yet. It's only been three weeks, I'll get there. There are always people who need your sympathy more than you. Donate money, clothes, food, or time to a cause you support. Giving makes you feel good.
- Let yourself be sad sometimes. Cry when you need to cry. Be angry when you feel angry. Don't force yourself to get over it when you're not ready yet.
Any other ways to get over a hardcore breakup in a healthy, feminist way?
<3 Lisa
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